A Mother was very concerned that her middle-aged son has not shown the slightest indication of getting married.  So one day she called him over to her house.

The Son came home from work, grudgingly. Upon arriving, he found that his mother had gathered a few beautiful ladies at the house for him to choose as his future bride.

The FIRST one was a well-endowed Telephonist- cum-Receptionist .  He immediately commented:  ‘Please….. Mother, they always say….. PLEASE HOLD ON, HOLD ON………’

The SECOND nominee was a leggy secretary.  She was also rejected. Reason being: ‘Agian??…. Mother, this one aaa…, Secretary always fond of saying ‘PLEASE SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN…….. ‘

By this time, the mother is nearing frustration. She called a sweet but plain-looking Teacher. The Son suddenly agreed!!

The Mother was surprised and asked: ‘Why this one?  The earlier two were a lot better looking!’

He replied: ‘Teachers aaa…. Teachers very good, very good, always say: PLEASE REPEAT, DO IT AGAIN, I want it done 10 times…. SOME MORE, SOME MORE…..!’

Her youngest son (10 years old), was listening quietly all this while at the other end of the room. Suddenly, he shouted:  ‘Brother…. Female mini bus Conductor much better ….. they always say:   ‘ GO IN FASTER, GO IN……. GO TO THE BACK…., COME ON…… PLEASE GO IN …FASTER,….. DON’T WAIT…. GO TO THE BACK….INSIDE GOT LOTS OF SPACE…FASTER…DON’T WAIT FOR OTHERS!!!…..’

The mother fainted….

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the
airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,
‘Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the stranger. ‘How about
nuclear power?’ and he smiles.

OK, ‘ she said. ‘That could be an interesting topic.
But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow,
and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass – . Yet a
deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a
flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried
grass. Why do you suppose that is?’

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl’s
intelligence, thinks about it and says, ‘Hmmm, I have no idea.’

To which the little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel
qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit’?

We went to China last year on a school-sponsored trip to teach conversational English classes. Twenty of us worked at the Fujian  University of Finance and Economics, where we taught classes, culture, movies and played games to help students improve their English.

Our activities included volleyball, dancing, stage performs, exchange gift and leisure activity games. We spent time with the students helping them build relationships by using English. After class, the fun didn’t stop as we had people taking us out to eat or coming with us to enjoy a great meal at the canteen…Very nice food.  One student, nicknamed Ah Boy, loved to hang out with us so much that after we ate, he would show us around the campus until our next class started. We even had two parties to foster cultural exchange while we were there.

We did manage to get away from the university a few times to visit landmarks, and we even found a Wal-Mart! But the best part of the whole experience was hanging out with our new friends. All the best to China, and our new friends in there….

Still remember that my school organized a field trip last year to Malaysia, to learn more about the Malaysian culture.

I couldn’t believe what a huge difference there is between Thailand, Indonesia, Singapore and Malaysia, even though they are right next to each other. Malaysia has no much more land and the houses are very different. They seem to lead a much simpler life there.

A local guide took us to explore the rocky seashore. There were hermit crabs, snails and mudskippers. We also saw mangrove roots, which are called pencil roots, sticking out of the water to absorb oxygen. I was sad to see how polluted the entire area was. When people litter, they do not realize the harm it does to the marine plants and animals.

We also visited a Malay village and I noticed that the girls were dressed differently, wearing headscarves and less revealing attire. This is because Malaysia is an Islamic country. At the local school, we ate Malay food with our hands! It was fun interacting with the students. Their hospitality was overwhelming. It was definitely a great experience for me!

I love Malaysia…..

The Phuket Vegetarian Festival is an annual event held during the ninth lunar month of the Chinese calendar. During this time, local residents of Chinese ancestry observe a ten-day vegetarian or vegan diet for spiritual cleansing and merit-making.

Sacred rituals are performed at various Chinese shrines, temples and aesthetic displays, such as walking barefoot over hot coals, ascending ladders with bladed rungs, and piercing the skin with swords are performed by entranced devotees. It is believed that the vegetarian festival and its accompanying sacred rituals bestow good fortune upon those who observe the rite.

One of the most picturesque festivals in Thailand, Loy Krathong takes place each November on the full moon. The country is illuminated under a night sky as thousands of candlelit “boats” or kratongs are gently launched into Thailand’s waterways. The idea is to put all your misfortunes in the boat and allow them to float away. In Phuket, major hotels usually host a special evening so that guests can take part.

Another spectacular event is Phuket‘s Gay Festival at the end of March. Patong Beach comes alive with sequined, feathered, glittery participants, dancing, parading, and partying in the streets and on the beach. The festival has become one of the biggest tourist happenings on the island and its international reputation grows yearly.

Celebrated on 13 April, the Songkran Festival is the traditional Thai New Year event, when families and friends gather together to visit temples, sprinkle water in reverence on Buddha images, and on each others’ hands for good luck.

In recent years, the tradition of sprinkling water has become an excuse for water fights, and it is not uncommon to have buckets of water thrown at you by merry­makers. II you’re in a tourist area like Patong on the day, leave behind anything you don’t want soaked when you go out.

Attracting over five million visitors a year, Phuket, off the southern tip of Thailand, is the nation’s most popular beach destination for its balance of tourist amenities and authentic Thai experiences. These sites, shops and restaurants are not to be missed.

Shopping

You might associate shopping in Phuket with flea markets, which is what you’ll find in Patong, but this island offers much more than knock-off handbags and souvenirs. Fine art, furniture, clothing, jewelers and antiques abound. But the boutiques are scattered in unlikely, hard-to-find places, so you’ll need a driver and a plan.

Surin Plaza (5/50 Moo 3 Cherng Talay) near Surin Beach is a super- luxe three-storey mall filled with home accessories, art and clothes. Lamont, on the first floor, features stunning Chinese and Japanese antique furniture and decorative objects, but are just as pricey as they would be in Singapore. A few doors down, Lola is a fabulous girly shop filled with great resort-wear and accessories.

Dutch-owned art gallery Soul of Asia on the second floor houses some amazing work from artists such as Andy Warhol, Joan Miro, Pablo Picasso and a range of Asian artists at reasonable prices. Once you’ve finished shopping, grab a drink or a Thai meal at chic Silk on the third floor.

If you’re in the market for antiques and artifacts, a minute clown the road from Surin Plaza is Oriental Fine Art (106/19­20 Bangtao Beach Road), a multi-storey building filled with museum-quality pieces.

Fans of fabric giant Jim Thompson should head to Canal Village (Laguna). There are three Thompson stores at this alfresco mall, including an outlet with fantastic discounts on cushions, table accessories and more. Also in Canal, you’ll find suitable souvenirs, pashminas, sunglasses and jeweler.

Phuket City shouldn’t be a top priority, but if you’re on the island for an extended period, the Sino-Portuguese shop houses in this part of town are home to some pretty nice shops. Visit Golden Lotus, Fai Sor Kam and Oriental Origin.

On your way back, make a stop at Gems Gallery, “The World’s Largest Jeweler Store”, for an endless array of baubles. Bargaining is acceptable here, so you may just get a good deal.

You can’t go wrong with food in Thailand, and Phuket is no exception. The local cuisine and seafood is incredible at most places, but the following offer outstanding ambiance in addition.

Baan Rim Pa (100/7 Kalim Beach Road, Patong), perhaps the most well-known restaurant on the island, serves authentic Royal Thai cuisine in a beautiful cliffside setting overlooking the Andaman Sea. This fine- dining alfresco establishment is always fully booked, even in the low season, so make your reservations even before you arrive to get a coveted waterfront table.

In the same strip, Joe’s Downstairs for Western cuisine and Da Maurizio for Italian are also delicious and offer similar views.

Another waterfront favorite is Rockfish (33/6 Kamala Beach Road), serving contemporary Western cuisine and seafood alongside authentic Thai fare in a swanky two-story beach hut.

Finally, if you love fresh seafood, it doesn’t come any fresher than at Lotus (Moo 4 Cherng Talay, Laguna). Choose your live lobster, fish, prawns or crab from the tanks in front and then enjoy the feeling of sand between your toes while you wait at your table on the beach. Casual, tasty and reasonably priced.

Do you know what is the major different between WIFE/ FEMALE and HUSBAND/ MALE?

FEMALE / WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.

MALE / HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

Teacher : “Sam, you talk a lot!”

Sam : “It’s a family tradition”.

Teacher : “What do you mean?”

Sam : “Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.”

Teacher : “What about your mother?”

Sam : “She’s a woman”..

The lawyer‘s son wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps, so he went to law school.

He graduated with Honors, and then went home to join his father’s legal firm.

At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father’s office, and said, ‘Father, you know what, in one day I managed to solve the accident case that you’ve been working on for 10 years!’

His father responded : ‘ You idiot, we lived on the funding of that case for 10 years!’

A man went to his lawyer and told him, ‘My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn’t want to pay up. What should I do?’

‘Do you have any proof?’, asked the lawyer. ‘Nope,’ replied the man.

‘Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1,000 he owes you,’ said the lawyer.

‘But it’s only $500!’ replied the man.

‘Precisely, that’s what he will reply and we will have the proof we need,’ said the lawyer

If you enjoy sailing, you can set up a yacht tour around the coast with a picnic and stop at one of the beaches and coral coves around the island of Mindoro. Sail out of the cove to one of the many commercial beaches to go diving — Mindoro is famous for its stunning coral gardens, the shallow waters being ideal for beginners. Or explore one of the quiet beaches that dot the coast, and bring a picnic for the day.

Many of the beaches remain inaccessible by road. It’s a delight to find small coves and beaches where you can snorkel with no other tourists in sight. A number of regattas are held by the yacht club at different times of the year and yacht races are held on Fridays and followed by barbecues at the Puerto Galera yacht club.

Yacht Charter Philippines is a sailing outfit in Puerto Galera on Mindoro Island. Its sailing holiday packages include accommodation in one of two secluded and luxurious ocean side villas and the charter of a 36-foot cruiser-racer yacht.

The port and the island offer plenty to occupy your time. Beaches are scattered along the coast, but only some of them are accessible by road. You may want to:

1. Take the outboard dinghy to picnic at one of the deserted beaches that are inaccessible by road
2. Sail the yacht around the coast to White Beach to watch its famous sunset
3. Dive in some of the most beautiful coral gardens in Asia
4. Play an extraordinary nine holes of golf on a course built into the hillside
5. Climb up to the waterfalls and visit the villages of the remote Mangyan tribes
6. Try the restaurants around the island or enjoy fresh sushi at the Puerto Calera Yacht Club